So, sure, it's blasphemy... but, you must admit, this stuff is useful. It melts in a creepily perfect way, it's fatty and smooth and pleasant... and really nothing else works quite like it for queso (i.e. chile con queso). I love fondue (and fundido -- huh, I never actually realized before typing it just now that it's the same word), but it's just not the same thing.
Frankly, this bugs me. I shouldn't have to rely on "pasteurized processed cheese food product" that can only be cooked up in a lab... we haven't yet gotten that far away from real food in our culture yet... have we?
So now I'm thinking I'd like to try my hand at making pasteurized processed cheese in my own home. But, y'know, good. The 'What's That Stuff?' link John posted basically says it's cheese (check) + milk solids (powdered milk, check) + anhydrous milkfat (clarified butter, check) + emulsifiers (lecithin, check), heated, blended, and poured into molds. Just gotta figure out the specifics and give it a whirl.
I can do that. Doesn't even sound that complicated.
OK, it probably is way more complicated. And OK, I probably won't actually do it anytime soon. Because I don't have any cheeses that I'd want to adulterate like this. And buying storebought cheese just for this mad scientist experimentation sounds less than sensible. And if I'm going to make something crazy, I'd like to end up with a product that'll compete with obscure, hard to find imports, not something that's available for $3 in every supermarket in the known universe.
...But maybe someday.